I love mangoes and eat them often. This morning, I thought Wouldn’t it be great if I ate a mango at work? As it turns out, it was great. However, I have learned some valuable information about the process and so I thought I’d provide this helpful guide on how to eat them properly while in your cube at work.

1. Lay out a napkin or a tissue or something else completely inadequate to absorb the juice you are about to subject it to.
2. Place mango on napkin; realize simultaneously you did not bring a knife or other sharp instrument with you.
3. Check kitchen for knife; find nothing.
4. Find pair of new scissors with office supplies.
5. Use wide open scissors to cut around the mango along its length; cut similarly around the center, dividing it into quarters.
6. Use edge of scissors to peel back skin on one of the sections.
7. Attempt to chisel away as much mango as possible from the pit on the skinless section.
8. Eventually give up and simply bite at mango flesh.
9. Continue like this, eating the other section until you realize you’re late for a meeting.
10. Upon returning from the meeting continue to peel, chisel and devour mango.
11. When done feasting upon the mango walk – somewhat ashamed – with hands and scissors covered in juice to the kitchen area; clean up face and hands.
12. Return to your cube and realize that during the meeting the napkin fused with the desk.
13. Use scissors to scrape mango infused napkin from desk.
14. Vow never to be without scissors again.