I watch what most would probably consider a below average amount of TV. The shows that I do watch tend to be the kind that usually inform. For example, I’m a big fan of a lot of stuff on Discovery HD Theater. Not just because it makes my Bravia look amazing, but because there’s some genuinely cool stuff on there.

But whenever there’s a show that has to do with nature at all – especially documentaries – I have this constant, underlying fear that they will cut to a closeup of a spider. I mean, spiders are in nature right? Well, apparently nature is made up entirely of spiders in my world view. Shows about forests will have all kinds of terrible wolf spiders and black widows. A show with the desert will invariably have camel spiders the size of small SUVs. Even places that have no right containing spiders will have them. Mountain dwelling spiders. Arctic spiders. Subterranean sonar-using spiders. It doesn’t matter where that NatGeo or Discovery camera crew goes, I somehow feel that you can count on the fact that there will be spiders there and that they feel it is their duty to display those spiders to you in an arbitrary fashion.

This makes no sense. The vast majority of shows that feature nature have nothing to do with spiders. And in fact, I like to enjoy nature in person quite a bit so I have first hand knowledge that there are not spiders waiting for impromptu cameos around every tree. Believe it or not, it can at times be harder to find a spider than it would be to simply not find a spider.

I don’t even hate spiders that much. I’m not a fan by any means, especially when they get above a certain size, but I can deal with them. Something about one-thousand eighty progressive lines of spidery detail (particularly when it is hairy and features numerous eyes) given without any warning bugs me. You could be watching something entirely relaxing, like a tree canopy, or water fowl and then it’s an immediate cut to a horrifying spider view. Put away the fucking zoom lens, mister camera operator.

I’m not entirely crazy for feeling this way since I’ve gotten burned before, but I’m still overreacting. Thankfully I think I’m starting to get over this. It hasn’t been easy but little by little I grow more accepting of spiders and that they simply are in nature and sometimes they get caught on camera.